Bonding over Jerry Garcia. #adorable
Throw Back Thursday. The best woman I’ve ever known. Reading a book in Jamaica in 1987.
I’m sorry i’m cheating on you Damien.
text conversation provoked me to elaborate.
So i’ve been in love with damien rice, since the moment i heard him.
The Blower Daughter, i think was when it started. Closely followed by Accidental Babies. and then Lonelily. GAH let us not forget Animals Were Gone and the blessed day i found his cover of Creep. Shivers, i tell you, SHIVERS.
So this leads me to loving his pandora station. and yes, it’s introduced me to a lot of my other favorites, Amos Lee, A Fine Frenzy, Joshua Radin, other artists that i already loved but found new favorites from. It’s been a great two years. Three maybe. I love the deep, harsh, discretely sexual, cryptic, at times even deviously raunchy style. I’ve loved it always. and i’ve always been in the mood to listen to him. I could sit and listen and feel exactly as he was feeling. (well at least my pathetic, post adolescent versions) I felt that hurt, that betrayal, i snuck around and could relate to the shitty way that damien was feeling for not feeling shitty for the shitty things he was doing. i loved it all. I was depressed, and i was unhappy, and i felt cheated in life, love, and all other areas. so it was perfect. a perfect fit.
But as of late.
I’ve found a new favorite.
Norah. Jones.
baby, sweetheart, lovely. where have you BEEN all my life.
no no, i know what you’re thinking. ‘um you’ve always liked her’
yes, but i’ve never fully appreciated her until now.
Norah was my go to music for car rides on the way to competition.
she was my calm in the middle of a stress storm.
but beyond that she was shoved back in her soulful corner when i wasn’t in need.
As of late that is not the case.
I love her lazy laid back calm. Sure she sings of heartbreak, and of love, and of happy and sadness. She is struggling through problems, but you know what? I don’t feel like the same shitty person as i felt before.
I feel, not weightless, but light. Much lighter than i’ve felt in years.
what is this feeling?
could it be?
could i possibly maybe a little bit, be happy?
My feelings of inadequacy and hurt and exploit, are somehow replaced with calm, content, respect, and a whole new appreciation for life.
I hate that things had to happen in this order.
But do you know what?
i can’t resist this feeling of happiness.
of light hearted fun.
and having been in the dark for so long,
hell.
i can only say don’t give up hope.
there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
